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Well hello.

People are asking me if I am on drugs. Saying that my blonde is really coming through. I find all this really hilarious. The Bible does talk about us appearing foolish. I don't care if I seem like a fool. I've just got to be me. I think I've spent so long just hiding away. Thinking my body isn't great, thinking my nose is too big. All that stuff. I am so critical of myself. But I've just decided that you know, God loves me. He so loves me just the way I am. And I don't have to be ashamed of how I look or not let people see me. See me! I'm just who I am. No apologies for that. If you can't accept me for who I am, there is something wrong with you!

Jesus is just good. I'm so in love with him. He's amazing. Man, I can't believe I didn't see how amazing he really is. Or how for sooo long I've tried to let other people take the place that only he can hold. I mean it's only his. He created that vacuum, that void and only he can fill it. So I'm letting him...oh my gosh, he is the most amazing thing/person/place EVER!

I dunno. This is crazy talk! Isn't it??? But I was never taught as a child to make Jesus my hero. I was taught about Jesus. And later I was taught about intimacy with him...but all this time I've STILL been searching out someone or something to take his place. Mostly someone these days. And it really makes sense to me now that until I give Jesus the space that only he can have, I will not really understand who I am meant to be with. Makes me think about a lot of stuff that's transpired in recent months. And wonder what will become of it.

GONE! Are the anxious thoughts! GONE! I mean...I was only having them because I hadn't gave Jesus his rightful place. But with him there...there is no anxiety. This is an amazing way to live!

Who knows what's going to happen now? Who cares!??! It's up to him! And because he IS so incredibly amazing I don't doubt that what's coming my way is just like really going to shock me and blow my socks off.

Me and a friend have been recently praying for each other. He's been praying some kooky prayers which really started shaking things up for me. So I decided to maybe one up him...I started praying that God would send warring angels to block our paths so that we cannot tread down any path that is not God's full-will for our lives. I decided that with calls like ours drastic calls are necessary. BAR ME, GOD! Hedge me in. Don't let me even go into anything that is not meant for me. I'm so serious. I don't have time to waste.