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Better to start writing than to title first. The title becomes apparent as you write, but if you title something too soon it limits the work from actually happening. I've found this in music, in relationships, in poems, in jobs. Titles limit. Maybe this blog I will number my entries instead of giving them creative names. I do know this: If I set a hard and fast rule, one day I will want to break it. So I am just not going to worry about the course this new blog will take. Welcome to a fresh start at blogging. "Leaving everything else behind..."

It's 2009. Thank God, in an all honest meaning of the phrase. Thank God. I remember blogging many years previous at the beginning of the year and every year everyone is filled with optimism about the number change. Seriously, every year. I like that about humans. But my wisdom tells me now to not let the emotional undercurrent sweep me away with the rest of the ship's passengers. Time will proof their suppositions. I'm trying not to make any. I have an ounce of hope for this year. I have an ounce of hope for all the things that have been prophesied and spoken over myself and others to start being brought into some sort of tangible manifestation. Even if it's an ounce, it's still hope. But more than not, I feel like I'm somewhere between an anchor for and a black spot on everyone's optimism.

The thing I have said before still stands true. You can't be passive and wait for things to happen to you. Fulfillment in life and especially of the promises of God over your life require participation. Not a working it up in your own effort, no. That's gross. But, a leaning into God's presence and a leaning on God in order to know what steps you should take. And it takes submission. Humble submission. I am a rebellious soul and I rarely like what I hear as "this is the way walk in it." What God tells me to do just doesn't send me out the door jumping for joy and skipping down the street in laughter. His instructions require sacrifice. As all love does. And I find myself in physical pain sometimes because what he says in a protective, fatherly, loving way to me is so counter-intuitive to my own dealings and desires. All my best-laid plans resonate in my chest. But God's plans lay deep in my gut and I know that I know that I know I have no better choice but to trust and obey. Other choices abound and I frequently try out many measures to avoid doing or manipulate what I've been told to do before I actually do what he asks of me.

I'm writing about this because well, I'm struggling with obedience. I have been for about a month now. A solid month of being gently reminded to do something. It started off real simple and I blew it off. Then confirmation after confirmation started coming at me and I was sure in my gut that I was really supposed to do this outlandish thing. But, I didn't. I just couldn't. It hurt too much. I'm still struggling with the nuts and bolts of "how" and "why." But I know those answers will come.

Who, What, Where, When, Why, How? --ask until you get the answers. (When, I'm afraid, will always be the toughest one.)

So welcome friends, welcome to 2009 and my journey through it. Welcome to those of you are unfamiliar with my bluntness. Welcome to those of you who love that most about me. Something good is going to happen. That I know because it is written in the Word. So...I believe, I hope. And hope does not disappoint us.