Why the heck am i here? in general and in specific? The age old questions haunt me. I have no purpose. NONE.
Why do women who are unattractive by all worldly standards get married? What is wrong with me that men seem to run away from me like the plague?
Why doesn't God just take me now? Seriously. I've prayed and asked for that. Right now would be a perfect time, in fact. I am presently staying with a family of three who are caring enough to dispose of my body properly and would probably take care of my dog as well. I have nothing to live for. Why am I being kept around?
Why am I forced to listen day-in and day-out to stories by teenagers of their success and relationships when I at least a full decade older am single, unsuccessful and purposeless?
I am so sick of life. Please, please God...I don't want to live anymore. I am at the one place on earth that I thought would be lining up with my destiny and it is just more daggers in my heart. More pain. I am at Bethel and guess what...no one here sees me. No one believes in me. No one.
I am so tired of waiting for something to happen. Truth is...it never will. I have no children. I have no spouse. I have no home. My life is worthless and meaningless. I hope tonight is my last night on earth. Please.
About Me
- Kristin
- if you're reading this, you're already in the "about me" club. thanks for seeing past my shenanigans.
Sometimes I feel like it's never going to get better, either. ("It" meaning life, explicitly mine.) I don't see the point.
ReplyDeleteThe last time it was the darkest time in my life, though, light broke through right when I knew I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. When the darkest got the deepest. So hang in there. I can't crawl inside your head and see the turmoil for myself - no one can, or see mine, either - but I know from my own that there is always opportunity.